THE POSITIVITY REPORT
Monday Night Raw, February 20, 2012 edition

This is a series of show reviews that’s all about accentuating the positive, because that’s how I roll. I watch wrestling because I like it, and if I didn’t I wouldn’t watch and I certainly wouldn’t write about it so freaking much. Now, I’m not going to bullshit you either, dear readers. If I think something was shit I won’t be afraid to tell you. But you can go to just about any wrestling columnist in the world and hear about what’s wrong with the product. God knows there are more than a few problems, I won’t deny it, but it sure gets depressing after a while, doesn’t it? So let’s look on the Bright Side (geddit?) of life and see what goodies Raw had for us last night. I’m tinkering with the format still so this may come off a bit long, so I’ll be interested to know what y’all think and if I ought to scale it back a bit. And here we go!

Segment #1: Eve, The Bellas, and John Cena

TEH FALLOUT!!!

Eve revealed herself to be a manipulative bitch, mocked her former admirer Zack Ryder as an impotent nerd, and proclaimed she would go on to use John Cena for her own evil machinations! The only problem for her is that Cena was right there as she laid out her nefarious plot. Whoops!

POSITIVES!

- It’s not often that World Wrestling Entertainment throws a story this complex at us. It’s not always a good thing, but I think World Wrestling Entertainment has done a pretty decent job of keeping the twists and turns interesting in this crazy love triangle saga. Even more so, it was not only completely unexpected but also completely logical. It was a genuine swerve, a rare thing in wrestling these days. What’s more, it instantly sets up Eve as a heel with huge heat, because who doesn’t hate a bitch like that? Shades of Trish Stratus here, at least in terms of storyline development.

NEGATIVES…

-Eve still sucks, especially as an actor. The angle could have been a lot hotter if they had gone with somebody else. Hell, anybody else. I’d rather see Jinder Mahal in this role at this point.

Segment #2: John Cena and Eve

Cena headed to the ring, seemingly for a different purpose, but he was followed out by Eve pleading her case. Cena shot her down cold and called her a ho, which is pretty accurate in all fairness.

POSITIVES!

-I got a good laugh at “I traded a broski for a hoeski!” from Cena. Eve’s attempt to get Cena to comfort her by crying was mildly clever, and then made insanely awesome by Cena’s over the top reaction when Eve tried to hug him. Maybe best of all, this neatly wrapped up a somewhat messy storyline for the time being, while still leaving the door open for interesting developments down the line. Right now I’m imagining Eve goes back to Ryder, who is doubtless still smitten, and gets him to go after Cena for her? Damn, that actually sounds like interesting television. Not sure how it’ll stretch for 6 weeks, or if it’ll be fresh if they leave it until after ‘Mania, but I’m intrigued.

NEGATIVES…

-Eve. Again. She’s just not very good.

Video Package #1: Undertaker

Hunter will never go to the prom with you unless you do something about that hair, honey!

Taker says “vengeance” a bunch of times and is still fixated on the Game.

POSITIVES!

-Adam the video guy deserves a medal for his work, as always. He is, quite frankly, a genius.

NEGATIVES…

-I still don’t understand this story. Taker beat Triple H, he took everything he had and made him tap out. Taker’s obsession doesn’t really make a lick of sense, and is frankly a little creepy. Sitting in his basement cutting himself while looking at pictures of Triple H sounds more like something a Twilight fan might do. Or Randy Orton.

Match #1: Sheamus (Stephen Farrelly) def. Mark Henry in 3:14

Our boy has come a long way.

Sheamus (Stephen Farrelly) pinned the World’s Strongest Man without too much trouble following a Brogue Kick.

POSITIVES!

-Apparently Mark Henry is healthy? He looked a lot better here than he did back at the Rumble, at least. There’s no telling if he’s fully recovered yet but this seems like a promising sign that he’ll be in good shape for Wrestlemania, which is awesome. After the fantastic year he’s had, god knows he deserves to be on the card. That said, Sheamus (Stephen Farrelly) is rolling right along here after declaring his intention to take on Bryan at Wrestlemania. He’s been booked incredibly strong for the last few months, and all he lacks is a firm direction right now. Hopefully that problem will finally get solved tonight on Smackdown. What’s more, Sheamus’ huge forearm strikes alone are a huge positive in any match, it always looks like he’s gonna cave somebody’s chest in.

NEGATIVES…

-What I don’t understand is if Henry is healthy, why wasn’t he used in the Chamber? He surely would have added more to the Chamber than Khali did. Also, it’s a shame to see Henry’s return match see him pinned in only 3 minutes. Hopefully not a sign of things to come.

Segment #3: John Laurinaitis, David Otunga, and Teddy Long

That facial expression will never not be epic.

Laurinaitis and Otunga are chillin’ backstage, and they chat up Teddy Long. Both men want to run both shows, but as we all know there can only be one. The battle royal main event is set up, as well as a match for Otunga later on.

POSITIVES!

-I still say Johnny Ace’s voice alone is one of the greatest heel tools ever invented. You just want to hate him so much every time he talks. He continues to show just how far he’s come and be a really great addition to the show. Otunga also does what he does best, which is wear a bowtie and look hateable. The end of the brand split is a very intriguing concept, even if that split is already paper thin. I’d rather they strengthened it again but at this point it might just be wiser to end it. I had a good laugh at Johnny Ace showing off how tall he was over Teddy, and at his ever present disingenuous grin while listening to Teddy. The segment neatly advanced their budding storyline and set up two matches for the show, so it was a reasonably good use of time.

NEGATIVES…

-Nothing really. Too many segments on Raw is a bummer, but this one had a purpose so no worries.

Video Package #2: The Rock

The Rock is coming back next week.

POSITIVES!

-The Rock is finally coming back, which always amps up the crowd and is absolutely necessary to properly developing this Cena feud.

NEGATIVES…

-I’m having a little trouble getting excited about his 16th return this year, to be honest. All he seems to do is try to make his newest catchphrase trend on Twitter. I’m hoping to be wrong, I’d love if he showed up and started tearing it up, but what can I say? I’m wary.

Match #2: R Truth Kofi Kingston def. The Colons in 2:24

The greatest vaguely ethnic champions of all time!
(mizfan note: They’re Puerto Rican. Don’t worry, I know.)

Quick match where Kofi ends up with the pin over Primo after countering the Backstabber into a Trouble in Paradise.

POSITIVES!

-It was really good to see Truth and Kofi actually selling their injuries from being in the Chamber. It adds so much to these big gimmick matches if the competitors still show some signs of the brutality 24 hours later. I was also impressed that even in such a short match the tag champs showed a lot of smart tag psychology. If they ever got more than a few minutes they might be able to put something really good together. But hell, it was good to see them on television at all. Kofi Kingston really had phenomenal energy in this match as well, he’s really been fired up lately.

NEGATIVES…

-I’ll be honest, dear readers. I can barely listen to Jerry Lawler commentate anymore. He blathered about wanting to pursue a “merger” with Rosa Mendes for half the match, and when Kofi flew majestically across the ring in a great spot all Lawler could manage was a joke that he should get peanuts to snack on for flying so high. Jesus. Also, I may be old fashioned but I think the tag champs should be as hard to beat in a tag match as the world champ is to beat in a singles match. Truth and Kofi have tagged exactly zero times in the history of wrestling, and they knock off the tag champs in 2 minutes? Ridiculous.

Video Package #3: Farooq

Before the Damn…

Everybody’s favorite first black world champion is going into the Hall of Fame this year.

POSITIVES!

-Damn! No seriously, good for him. Simmons’ legacy often gets lost in the one word show he’s been doing for the past several years, but as the first African American world champion and a great competitor through his whole career, he definitely deserves some attention. And best of all, maybe JBL will be there! Watching the package made me realize how much I miss the APA. World Wrestling Entertainment needs a good ass kicking tag team again.

NEGATIVES…

-I’m really hoping they don’t just make this all about his catchphrase. The “Damn” bits have been moderately funny over the last few years, but let’s not let it overshadow his other accomplishments.

Segment #4: Chris Jericho

Jericho cuts a promo about how he was never eliminated and how Punk sucks.

POSITIVES!

-We got the return of Jericho’s classic frowny face here, which was fun mostly for personal reasons. I always thought he looked funny. Playing up the technicality of not being eliminated was expected but still, a nice touch. At the end of the day, it’s just good to see that Jericho is still great on the stick.

NEGATIVES…

-Enough with the “end of the world” stuff. It just reminds people of those stupid promos that went nowhere.

Match #3: David Otunga def. Ezekiel Jackson (Rycklon Stephens) in 1:38

Suck it, haters!!!

Surprisingly, Otunga is able to put Zeke away in a short match while Teddy and Johnny Ace watch from ringside.

POSITIVES!

-I may be the only one, but I really like Otguna’s theme. It’s not the greatest in the world, but it’s slightly memorable and slightly obnoxious. Just like him. Zeke’s theme is still epic, of course. There wasn’t much to this match but even so I watched closely, and Otunga did perfectly fine in the ring. He’s really not nearly as terrible as he’s made out to be. He’s not great, but he’s come a long way from how bad he was starting out. I had another good laugh at Laurinaitis, who gave Teddy a cheesy thumbs up after the match. On another note, my wife (who doesn’t give a toss about wrestling) looked up long enough to remark that Zeke has quite the scary look. Zeke’s not gold in the ring, but he’s really got a fantastic look that makes people take notice. World Wrestling Entertainment really ought to look into using that in some way. I’m pulling for a Zeke/Mason Ryan tag team, they wouldn’t have the prettiest matches but they’d sure look impressive.

NEGATIVES…

-I don’t get why Zeke is always smiling. Doesn’t do anything for his character. Lawler was bugging the hell out of me again with a particularly terrible joke about Otunga’s law career.

Package #4: Shawn Michaels and Triple H confrontation recap

Looking at last week where HBK tried to get Hunter to take on the Undertaker.

POSITIVES!

-I’m not big on this story, but you have to admit it was a very spirited promo last week.

NEGATIVES…

-I swear to god, Triple H is staring at HBK’s hat the entire segment long. Also, this storyline still makes no sense.

Segment #5: Undertaker and Triple H

No wonder Taker wants to do this again…

In a very long segment, Undertaker cut a promo on Triple H until he came to the ring and, after much discussion, finally accepted the match at Wrestlemania after Taker implied that Shawn Michaels is better than the Game. Triple H added that the match will be a Hell in a Cell match.

POSITIVES!

-No matter how old the Undertaker gets, I still gotta love that entrance. Wrestling really needs more stuff like that, seems like everyone simply walks to the ring the same way these days. Gets a bit dull, you know? I got a really big laugh at Undertaker yelling “Shut up!” at Hunter when he first started to talk. It was very interesting to see Taker show some cracks in the “Deadman” character. He isn’t going all “American Bad Ass”, if that’s what you were thinking, but it’s interesting to see the humanity seep through a little. Triple H’s theory that Undertaker actually wants to lose so he can retire is an unusually layered one for the World Wrestling Entertainment . Very psychological, and I can respect that. I got a big laugh that Undertaker all but danced the chicken dance and started clucking to make Hunter accept, but I gave a legitimate television sitcom “oooooh” when Taker started in about HBK being better than Trips. I’m still not fully sold on this match, but I have to admit the build has been better than last year so far. There was some really excellent camera work in this segment, by the by. It’s the little things sometimes that can really make or break a segment.

NEGATIVES…

-I still think Taker looks unsteady even just walking to the ring. I’m an Undertaker fan, but I don’t if I really want to see him step into the Cell again. Taker’s initial promo really dragged here, and even saw the audience start a “what” chant. Taker honestly came off almost whiney at first. Not really befitting a huge legend to be begging for a match with, quite frankly, a lesser legend. No slam on Triple H, he’s a great veteran talent, but no matter how much he wishes it he’s just not on the same historical level as Undertaker. Taker kept blathering on about the “apocalypse”, which even for him is a bit too melodramatic. Also, why are they acting like they are the last two guys to wrestle in the Attitude Era? Last time I checked Jericho, Kane (Glen Jacobs), Big Show (Paul Wight), Mysterio, Mark Henry, and Christian are all still on the roster. All this “end of an era” stuff is too much, it really serves to lessen the work of the current generation. I wonder if Hunter ever considers the fact that the new generation can’t build their own legacy because so much time and energy goes into promoting matches between two guys in their mid 40s? I’m not sold on Hell in a Cell either. It would have been fantastic 5 years ago, but Hell in a Cell is a pretty neutered concept these days and these two are pretty shaky. I’m sure they’ll do ok, but still. They also played some completely random music at the end, which was strange. I sure hope nobody else wanted a lot of time at Wrestlemania, between this match and Rock/Cena we’re probably looking at 2+ hours, all entrances, post match shenanigans, and video packages accounted for.

Match #4: Daniel Bryan (Brian Danielson) def. Santino in 0:57

Cobra… or waving goodbye to his push?

Bryan had Santino tapping in under a minute in this short match.

POSITIVES!

-YES! YES! YES! I never get tired of that. Also, it’s amazing but Santino is one of the most over people in the entire company. I’m not saying he should be a world champ, but if World Wrestling Entertainment gives him a storyline and a bit of television time they’ll be looking at a very strong addition to the upper midcard. Bryan looked very strong, which is always needed on occasion when booking a semi-cowardly champion.

NEGATIVES…

-What World Wrestling Entertainment should NOT be doing is this. Santino had a star making performance in the Chamber, but he couldn’t even got a single minute the next night. Don’t get me wrong, the right man won, but If they had given 2 minutes of the endless Taker/HHH segment to this match they would have solidified a new star. Instead Santino looks like a complete chump again.

Match #5: The Bellas def. Kelly Kelly Aksana in 1:19

The Bellas pull the old switcheroo for the pin and the win on Aksana.

POSITIVES!

-Erm… 2 matches in a row, I guess?

NEGATIVES…

-All four divas are pretty tough to watch in the ring. My wife was quick to point out that all the ladies were wearing pretty horrendous outfits. Jerry Lawler continues to be useless, and Kharma didn’t come out to kill anyone.

Segment #6: John Cena

No hate yet, but wait for it… wait for it…

Cena comes back out and cuts a scathing promo on the Rock.

POSITIVES!

-I got a good laugh at “Skankopotamus”. Touche, Cena. In fact, Cena really nailed it in this whole promo. He continues to make a number of really excellent points about the Rock, including his questionable loyalty to pro wrestling and its fans, his dubious promises to never leave again, and his general attitude. I got another big laugh when Cena listed Rock’s “boob bounce” as one of his talents as well. Really strong promo by Cena, start to finish, and exactly the lead in we need to Cena and Rock being face to face again next week. I had one last good laugh at Cena saying “pro wrestler!” as if it’s a big deal. Punk throws the word around just about every single time he’s one television, so it’s funny that some people still pretend that there’s some sort of ban in place.

NEGATIVES…

-This isn’t a complaint about this segment specifically, but it does irk me a little that Cena, HHH, and Taker each individually get more time than Punk, Sheamus, Bryan, and Santino combined. I know those three are huge stars, but there ought to be a better division of time. You’ll never make new stars this way.

Match #6: Jericho wins a 10 Man Battle Royal in 12:17

Jericho actually has a history of horrible jackets…

Jericho last eliminates Big Show (Paul Wight), with a little help from Cody Rhodes (Cody Runnels), for the right to face CM Punk at Wrestlemania XXVIII.

POSITIVES!

-Punk rocking the announcer jacket! Punk may not really be the best wrestler in the world, but you’d be hard pressed to find a better commentator right now. I had a big laugh at him saying his jacket was “camel fur”, followed up by asking if camel fur was trending in a shot to World Wrestling Entertainment ’s weird Twitter obsession. Punk went on to have number of really excellent lines. He told Cole to stay in the booth this year, he claimed he didn’t want to face Khali at Wrestlemania “for a variety of reasons” (with the heavy implication being that he actually wants the match to be good…), he mocked Jericho’s catchphrase (“I’m the best wrestler in the world, while Jericho’s the best at what he does… I don’t know what that is, but…”), interrupting Cole with a spirited “Shut up stupid!”, and even busting out the old “Jamaican me crazy!” when Cole accidentally said “Kofi Rhodes”. Whoops. As for the match itself… Khali went out immediately, which is a plus. Miz went out second a while after, but it did take 2 men quite a while to take him out so I’m not fussed about it. As good as I think a strong Miz/Punk program will be one day, Miz really hasn’t shown himself to be back at that level yet so we’ll wait on it for a little bit. Big Show (Paul Wight) tossing Ziggler was very impressive to see, even if it ended badly for poor Wade Barrett. Santino got some of his groove back with a strong performance, even skinning the cat and smacking Jericho with the Cobra. That’s right, the guy who came back for a limited engagement and is allowed to call all his own shots let himself get decked by a sock puppet. Take that, people saying Jericho is a selfish entitled jerk! He’s working harder to put people over than anyone on the regular roster. Show’s double suplex was very cool, as always, but eventually Jericho got the win, which is the right decision considering the current roster. A bit predictable, but it should be a hell of a feud.

NEGATIVES…

-Ought to have given more time to it, the whole match seemed awkward in places. Trying to fit everything in probably was what led to the Barrett injury and the numerous other near injuries and mistakes. Thanks, Trips Taker! Some other awkward choices, like the fact that Barrett’s music still sucks ass, and Ziggler was for some reason had a bright pink t-shirt literally shoved into his ass crack and hanging out behind him. That’s useful. Bit of a weird spot where Miz actually threw Kofi back in the ring instead of out, but with all the disorganization Kofi seemed as much to blame as anyone. Commercial break in an already cramped match was a big downer, and then of course Barrett ended up hurt apparently and several others almost did as well. And, one last time, I had to groan at Lawler on commentary, who apparently doesn’t know that you have to go over the top rope to be eliminated. I mean, he’s only been in the business for 42 years. Why should he know the rules of a match?

OVERALL:

A pretty enjoyable show, I thought. Nothing to really write home about except John Cena’s promo on the Rock, but solid throughout. I’d prefer more wrestling, as there was only one match long enough to be worth a damn and it was pretty cramped, but it’s in the nature of Raw to focus more on other things, so if you can get past that it was a decent show. I haven’t devised a weekly ranking or anything yet, but stay tuned, I should have something together for next week, or even tomorrow if I repeat this for Smackdown.

Like the format? Hate it? Too long? Just right? Agree? Disagree? Want to fight about it? Feel free to email, as always, to mizfanlop@gmail.com, leave a comment below, or respond in the feedback thread in the forums, and I’ll be sure to respond.

Until then, mizfan fans, stay safe, healthy, and of course, awesome.

*****************************************

Greetings again, mizfan fans! As you may have guessed from the link you clicked on to get here, I enjoyed the Raw review so much yesterday that I figured I’d take advantage of the live Smackdown and go two for two. Believe the MIPE, suckas!

Hm, that doesn’t have quite the same ring to it… ah well, you win some, you lose some. Over here on the Bright Side we’re all about focusing on the wins instead of the losses, so let me welcome everybody back to…

THE POSITIVITY REPORT
Tuesday Night Smackdown!, February 21, 2012 edition

I doubt that I’ll be doing Smackdown every week, as I work weekends and often don’t have time to watch it until Sunday night, at which time it’s kind of a moot point. But for once World Wrestling Entertainment has their secondary show on a sensible night instead of the ratings black hole that is Friday evening, so let’s start this off with a bang. Ready? Set? No? Well, you’ll catch up. Off we go!

Segment #1: Daniel Bryan (Brian Danielson), AJ, The Miz, and Sheamus

Daniel Bryan (Brian Danielson) comes out with AJ to talk about how great he is. Miz interrupts to suck up to the champ, and then Sheamus (Stephen Farrelly) comes out to get in Bryan’s face before Bryan hightails it and Miz and Sheamus (Stephen Farrelly) start going at it.

POSITIVES!

-Great promo to start the show from Bryan. He has really, really embraced his new role and is currently high in the running for the best heel in the company, hell maybe in all of pro wrestling. Miz continues to show that he’s back on his game with a strong promo as well. I had a good laugh at his sucking up to his former foe, claiming that he taught Bryan everything and always had faith in him. It’s doubly ironic that Bryan is now using almost the exact same chickenshit champion gimmick that Miz was using last year, though Bryan has added a dash of CM Punk and a little more in ring credibility to the character which gives it a different flavor. I was laughing again at Miz’s offer to form a tag team with Bryan, which was ludicrously hilarious and wonderfully exemplifies just what a sleazy heel Miz is. Sheamus (Stephen Farrelly) also managed to keep things rolling nicely when he hit the scene, finally starting to engage in an actual feud instead of simply defeating random heels in about two minutes. Miz AGAIN stands out, indignantly sticking up for Daniel Bryan (Brian Danielson) as if they were friends. Very amusing stuff considering the history between the two. When Miz and Sheamus (Stephen Farrelly) came to blows it was good to see both men throwing punches like crazy, with Miz giving almost as good as he got. And through it all, AJ is still cute as hell.

NEGATIVES…

-Not much, it was a good opening segment. I will say though, I’m sad to see AJ de-emphasized. Her story with Bryan and Big Show (Paul Wight) was one of the most interesting things in wrestling last month.

Match #1: Sheamus (Stephen Farrelly) def. The Miz in 7:00

The real reason they released him is so that Sheamus (Stephen Farrelly) could steal his moveset without getting beat to shit.

Some back and forth but Sheamus (Stephen Farrelly) wins without too much trouble with Finlay’s old finisher.

POSITIVES!

-Sheamus’ forearm strikes. They alone make any match fantastic. I could write sonnets to those forearm strikes, they’re so damn beautiful. *sniff* Strong match for both guys, even if it was a little short. Miz looked right at home with one of the top faces in the company, and they actually seemed to have a fair amount of chemistry, which I wouldn’t have suspected. I can definitely see Miz drafted to Smackdown and running a strong program with Sheamus (Stephen Farrelly) for the title over the summer.

NEGATIVES…

-You can’t always avoid it these days, especially in live television, but it always bugs me when a match starts during the commercial break. Especially one featuring two former world champions, one of who is main eventing Wrestlemania.

Segment #2: John Laurinaitis, David Otunga, Teddy Long, and Aksana

If she looked more like that, this would have been a lot more tolerable.

Teddy and Aksana are canoodling, but they’re interrupted by Raw’s gruesome twosome. They bicker like old ladies about who should be GM of both shows.

POSITIVES!

-Johnny Ace and David Otunga continue to be positively delightful, encapsulating every douchebag you’ve ever met. You can’t help but love to hate these guys. Furthermore, they actually made some very salient points about how unprofessional it is for Teddy Long, the 64 year old authority figure, to be actively pursuing a sexual relationship on company time with a 20 something year old immigrant employee. You won’t catch Johnny Ace doing that!

NEGATIVES…

-Speaking of, why is this non-story with Aksana and Teddy Long still going on? It’s barely a cut above Natalya’s farting. It serves no purpose, gets no one over, entertains no one, and is going nowhere. Additionally, Teddy Long felt the need to tell a rambling joke about how Laurinaitis’ office is set up in the bathroom that was probably the most unfunny thing I’ve ever heard (this week). Not Peanut Head’s finest hour.

Match #2: Ziggler Swagger def. Kingston Truth in 2:46

Truth, just prior to developing his fear of spiders.

Ziggler picks up the pin over Kofi following the Zig Zag after a short but reasonably back and forth match.

POSITIVES!

-Michael Cole (Michael Coulthard) gave me a good laugh on commentary, which isn’t exactly common. Booker was blathering on about Cole calling Kingston “Kofi Rhodes” on Raw, and Cole snapped back that Booker has “made 18 mistakes in the last 2 seconds!”, which is probably close to true. Booker doesn’t seem to know where he is a lot of the time, though to be honest that can be pretty funny too. Meanwhile, in the match, Kofi Kingston continues an a really hot streak, showing fantastic energy in everything he does and really amping up the quality of the match. He’s still not delivering any technical wrestling wizardry, but the way he pumps up the crowd is invaluable. By the same token, Vickie Guerrero at ringside is always priceless. Some find her too annoying, but there’s hardly anyone in the company who has mastered getting the right kind of heat like Vickie has. She’s a big boon to anyone she’s working with, even Ziggler still. I mean, he’ll definitely be fine without her at this point, but he’s not being hurt by the association.

NEGATIVES…

-Sigh… so the guys who beat the tag champs in 2 minutes now get beat by another team in 2 minutes? No wonder the tag division is in shambles. Very disappointing. Also, it’s not overly negative but Truth really looks dull in the ring next to Kofi. I’m sure he’ll carry the team on the promo side though, if World Wrestling Entertainment runs with them.

Segment #3: Santino and Heath Slater (Heath Miller)

Heath Slater (Heath Miller) doesn’t know why he’s still employed either!

Santino is practicing his Cobra strikes backstage. Heath Slater (Heath Miller) makes fun of him, and Santino reveals his Cobra now shoots a liquid that blinds Slater. So yes, Santino squirted Slater in the face with his Cobra. That doesn’t sound right.

POSITIVES!

-I’ll be honest, I thought the segment was hilarious, and it didn’t drag on to the point where it got old. Since it’s physically impossible to feel bad for Heath Slater (Heath Miller) there’s no guilt watching him yell in pain with snake venom in his eyes. Santino is still very over, no surprise.

NEGATIVES…

-If you don’t like this kind of humor, you probably won’t think much of this skit. I had no complaints though, it was short and amusing and Heath Slater (Heath Miller) got hurt. I don’t even hate Slater like some do, but it’s damn funny to see bad things happen to him.

Match #3: Great Khali def. Drew McIntyre (Andrew Galloway) in 0:33

Remember this? Neither does anyone else.

Drew falls to the Punjabi Plunge in no time at all.

POSITIVES!

-Drew bumped like a champ for Khali. If this angle is to build sympathy for Drew and lead to a face turn, then it’s working on me at least.

NEGATIVES…

-The fact that this match existed. I’m not a big fan of Drew but he deserves better than to be chewed up and spit out by Khali.

Segment #4: Big Show (Paul Wight)

Big Show (Paul Wight) cuts a promo saying he’s gonna mess up Cody Rhodes (Cody Runnels) if he gets his hands on him.

POSITIVES!

-Solid mic work from Show. Nothing special.

NEGATIVES…

-Again, it’s a shame to see the Bryan/Show/AJ angle disappear without a proper payoff. Oh well.

Match #4: Mark Henry def. Big Show (Paul Wight) in 5:00

Remember how epic this was? We’ve come a long way… in the wrong direction.

Mark Henry picks up the win by count out when Big Show (Paul Wight) chases off Cody, who showed up to mock the Big Show (Paul Wight) with a video of his past Wrestlemania failures.

POSITIVES!

-Henry is looking good. He’s bumping and striking just fine, so it seems like his health issues are mostly behind him. Great news for Wrestlemania, they could use a solid hand like Henry in there. Even better, his in ring trash talking is just delightful. He’s almost as loud as Bubba Ray, so you get every word of it. But Cody really nailed his promo when he popped out on the stage, mocking Big Show (Paul Wight) for his inability to win at Wrestlemania. He highlighted Big Show (Paul Wight)’s defeat at Wrestlemania 21 in a really fantastic video package that saw Show getting knocked out with ease by Akebono in a sumo match, and wearing a thong while doing it. He mocked him some more and proved himself totally awesome by using the word “perspicuous” (take that Jericho!) before fleeing from the giant’s wrath.

NEGATIVES…

-I still can’t figure out why they didn’t use Henry on Sunday. He surely would have been better than Khali. The match was pretty slowly paced, maybe covering for Henry’s lingering injuries, and before Big Show (Paul Wight) was counted out he laid out Henry with a WMD, further making Henry look weak and killing his former momentum. Lame.

Match #5: David Otunga def. Ezekiel Jackson (Rycklon Stephens) in 1:20

He says he’s not so bad… but that’s just his “two cents”! (No Chrisss, of course.)

Otunga picks up another surprisingly quick win with his single handed spinebuster, which the internet tells me is called “The Verdict”.

POSITIVES!

-Again, I really love the themes for both of these guys. Johnny Ace got a huge laugh out of me when he started imitating Teddy Long’s dancing, and Zeke even got one of those old school picture-in-picture promos. I always like those, it gives just a bit more character to some of these blander guys. I really can’t understand why World Wrestling Entertainment can’t find a place for Zeke besides David Otunga’s personal jobber, because the guy looks amazing and isn’t half bad. He’s not amazing, but he looks monstrous and throws a mean lariat. That said, I don’t really mind Otunga going over because Otunga once again was just fine in the shorter format of a match like this. I don’t want to see him in any iron man matches or anything, but he plays this part quite well. His finisher looked pretty good too, something he’s been criticized for in the past.

NEGATIVES…

-It wasn’t much of a match, I guess, but did anybody really want it to go longer? It was just fine for what it was, a tool to advance the budding “War of the GMs” angle. Teddy needs to find a new go to guy though, Zeke apparently isn’t cutting it.

Segment #5: CM Punk

Strangling R Truth… or Chris Brown, not sure.

Punk talks a little about his time on Smackdown, how Johnny Ace sucks, how Jericho sucks, and how Daniel Bryan (Brian Danielson) has gone crazy.

POSITIVES!

-Punk was very amusing in this interview, if not particularly passionate. His cracks about Bryan stealing his old Straight Edge (Adam Copeland) Savior gimmick were funny and pretty much what people online have been saying for the last few weeks, and he got a laugh out of me saying he will sue for copyright infringement if Bryan tells AJ to shave her head. I miss Serena, by the by. Another subtle but very good piece of this segment were the reactions from Matt Striker. Clearly Striker hadn’t known what Punk was going to say before because he was legitimately cracking up at some of Punk’s funnier lines. That’s the sort of genuine, unscripted reaction that can really get somebody over. I really miss Striker at the announce table, he wasn’t always the best at calling the action but he would reference history, he would call moves by their technical names, and he was invariably genuinely excited to be there, unlike most of the current announce team.

NEGATIVES…

-A small thing, but Punk is getting a bit too vanilla in these things. World Wrestling Entertainment will need to be careful not to shoe-horn him into the same mold as Orton and Cena, it could get boring fast for a lot of fans.

Match #6: CM Punk fought Daniel Bryan (Brian Danielson) to a draw in 29:43

Fear the beard.

After an epic battle and two match restarts, the opponents ended up pinning each other at the same time and leaving us with no clear winner.

POSITIVES!

-First of all, all credit to World Wrestling Entertainment for giving this match a full half hour. You can bitch all day long about World Wrestling Entertainment not caring about wrestling or putting on too many segments, but the bottom line is they are still willing to give the green light a true treat like this, and on free television no less. Round of applause for those guys, eh? This match had some really fantastic action and very much so lived up to the hype (no Hustle). It was a very smart match, with the two veteran workers putting a lot of psychology into the mix. I have to give big props to Bryan and his facial expressions again, without saying a word he’s been able to convey a whole lately with the right smirk or eyebrow twitch. That’s a very useful tool in the HD age. And, even better, Bryan worked over Punk’s arm for quite a while and he actually sold it consistently! Always heart warming. I have to give World Wrestling Entertainment credit again for choosing the absolute perfect location for this match, just a little ways from Chicago. This is by far the smarkiest crowd they’ll have for quite a while, and they showed their love with some strong reactions through the whole match. The match had a number of good false finishes without overusing them, including match restarts from both Johnny Ace and Teddy Long when their preferred winner seemed to have lost. I had a laugh at neither GM actually supporting the champ from their own brand, with Ace backing Bryan and Teddy backing Punk, but with the brand split being so thin it didn’t take anything away from the story. They logically chose to support whichever guy closer matched their own ideology. The draw ending was also logical, made both men look strong, and was necessary to preserve the appearance of the titles being equal. It was the right choice. And finally, the show ended hilariously with Teddy and Ace both throwing a fit and tossing their jackets at each other. JACKET FIGHT!!!

NEGATIVES…

-Hard to say, it was a damn good match with logical storyline development and awesome in ring action. The only thing I can really say is, even though it was necessary, a draw is something of a cop out. There was no good way around it though, and it was better than some sort of run in double DQ played out shit. Oh, and even though Sheamus (Stephen Farrelly) made a brief and exciting appearance, he still feels very much like an afterthought. He’s got 5 weeks to make himself a lot more relevant.

OVERALL:

Pretty entertaining show this week, I’d say, and capped off one of the bgest main events in recent memory. Definitely not perfect but a good foot to put forward for a Tuesday show as a way to draw more people in for Fridays. They’re never going to get amazing numbers on Friday, but they’re doing their damndest. Since I’ve arbitrarily decided to start letter grading the shows, as it’s a nice and easy to understand way to business, I’ll give it a solid B.

BRIGHTEST MOMENT!

As you might have suspected, this is the part of the column where I talk about the best part of the show, and as you again might have suspected it was without a doubt the main event of Daniel Bryan (Brian Danielson) vs. CM Punk. I can only imagine it would have been even better if not for the stop-start nature of the match as the GMs were running in, and even that’s a small criticism. World Wrestling Entertainment really decided to let these guys loose and let them do their thing, and I for one couldn’t be happier.

DARKEST DEPTHS…

And, by the same token, this is the worst part of the show, the thing to avoid at all costs if you haven’t seen the show yet. Hard to pick this week, as there were two standouts. The Drew/Khali squash was bad, pretty much useless except to maybe get sympathy for Drew, but ultimately I have to award the prize to the backstage segment with Teddy and Laurinaitis. The Aksana thing is completely worthless, and spending several minutes on a bad bathroom joke is a pretty criminal waste of time. Ugh.

So, mizfan fans, a little shorter today but hopefully just as enjoyable? The reaction seems positive out there (which I like, obviously!), so I think I’ll be moving right along with this format in the coming weeks. As always I love getting any and all feedback here in the comments, emailed to me at mizfanlop@gmail.com, or in the Bright Side feedback thread in the forums. I’ll be sure to respond to pretty much anything, so hit me up.

So until next time, mizfan fans, stay safe, healthy, and of course, awesome.

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