Hello to all,
Before I write anything for the “Full Nelson”, I always think about what to write, and I never can come up with any good topics…until I sit down at the computer and just start writing. This week should be easier because I had a few requests emailed to me. People want to hear stories about RIBS. No, not pork or beef, but the act of doing something funny to another wrestler or person in general. A RIB is the art of getting laughs at the expense of someone else. In pro wrestling it is as old as pro wrestling itself. So here we go!
My favorite one involves Vito Denucci, Mike Sullivan, Scoot Andrews and myself. The four of us were driving to Lafayette, Louisiana to do Monday Night Raw, the year was 2000 I think. I was driving and we were in the Bayou. Bottom line, the swamp. Nothing around at all except the blackness of night. Scoot had to take a piss really bad. He was looking for an exit but there was none for miles. He asked me to pull over so that he could pee, so I did. Scoot was standing about 10 feet from our SUV. As soon as he had a good stream going, I hit the gas and drove off. All we could see in the headlights of the other vehicles was Scoot Andrews running after us, still peeing, with his big black stuff flopping in the wind as he ran. I pulled back over after a few seconds and Scoot caught back up to us. He began to pee again and of course I took off again. The same thing happened. Black Nature Boy running down a Louisiana road, in the swamp, pissing all over himself, again. When all the pissing was done and we were all exhausted from laughing, Scoot got bak in the SUV. He said, “Damnit Nigga! You had my black ass out here running with my dick out. What if I had got eaten by some snakes or crocodiles?” Of course there were no crocodiles in Louisiana, just a ton of gators. This RIB, totally harmless and totally funny!
Most fun stuff in wrestling happens when you are on the road somewhere. Sometimes you just have to let off some steam! I remember wrestling in Yuma, Arizona. Steve Keirn had put together a great tour that involved wrestling at an Indian Reservation. Great talent, Great payday, Great times! I was wrestling as Doink the Clown and my opponent was the talented veteran B. Brian Blair. We had a great crowd at the show, probably about 3000 ro so. Blair and I had a great match, no complaints about anything. When we got back to the hotel (The Shilow Inn), we met a dude in the lobby who said that he was a Miller lite distributor. He said that if the wrestlers went to a certain bar (Ron’s Place) that Miller Lite would pick up the tab for us all. Wrestlers and free beer go hand in hand. So they put the bar tab under my name. Any worker that wanted a drink just had to go to the bar and tell them to put it on my tab! I remember that Horace Hogan and myself were having some beer and then we decided to offer free drinks to hot women. Any hot woman we saw, we got her some beer. This continued until 3:00am. After all was said and done the total damage was 436 beers and 16 shots of Jager. The Miller distributor was not there when we closed down the bar, but I am sure that he had a big shock when he got the bill. Thank God we flew out about 6 hours after the bar closed! We took the red eye flight home because I had to be in a wedding the next day. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep at the reception right after I gave the toast.
These are 2 of my favorite stories. I gave you the cliff notes because the extended versions are just too much for me to type. RIBS in wrestling are supposed to be light hearted fun! I have seen people do RIBS to be mean. I have seen someone who I shall not name take a shit in the gear bag of someone he did not like. That to me is a little extreme, but stuff like that does happen. When that happened it was actually at a WWF show. Imagine going to put on your gear before your match and seeing a big pile of shit on your singlet. I always enjoyed it when a veteran put “Hot Stuff” of “Tiger Balm” in the crotch of a rookies trunks. 5-10 minutes after the put their gear on their balls were on fire! I have seen guys super glue wrestling boots to a wooden floor. I always used to put my padlock on people’s gear bag and enjoyed watching them try to get their stuff out. Point being, back in those days you never left your bag alone. If you did, something would happen to it or your gear! I think that a RIB is good fun, as long as you keep it funny and it does not cost money to replace what ever is screwed with.
The RIB is a wrestling tradition that needs to be continued. I don’t mean ductaping a naked wrestler to a street sign. I don’t mean slipping somebody a gimmick and when they pass out on the airplane shaving their eyebrows. Stuff like that leads to fights, big time fights, real fights! Keep up the RIBS but plan them out so they are funny, entertaining but not too costly!
Until next time,
CCN
Chris Tipton (Nelson)



